hey bestie, im so happy you talked to him, so that you can see that hes just a fucking player. im so happy you see where im coming from now. i know you love me and you want me to be strong. so strong i will be.

im sick of you trying to hurt me. through everything and everyone. im low, pathetic and cheap.

someone gave me the analogy of a dress.

its branded, gorgeous, on sale. but it just doesnt fucking fit?

should i still buy it?

i wanted it for my 18th birthday, but i didnt get it. thank god i didnt, cuz id be toio busy trying to fit it on.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

im tired of you, so sick and tired. i hate you and despise you now. you led me to that.

i hope you are happy flirting around and playing around.

“on one hand, it was given to follow its instincts. and the other, to deny its nature”

thats where we are different chuen

i chose to deny my player nature, i dont wanna be that anymore

you, are different

thats why we dont click i guess

 

 

 

 

im saying my goodbyes. to you and this blog.

goodluck for everything in your life.

i hate you

a hugeeeeee thank you to everyone who wished me. even though nevermind.

my birthday was great.

so lets say i cried 7 hours yesterday. got spoilt by trung after that. hehe, within 15 mins of crying i was smiling again. he had a grand plan of sneaking me out, but nu-uh, im a good girl :D

got back to my room.

my batchmates threw me a suprise.

it was like

knock knock (since i live alone now)

i dint bother opening since i was still crying

knock knock again

so i reluctantky dragged my feet over there, i knew what it was alr lah

then there was no one. bloody idiots. only a burning cake. =) and i was like uhh do they expect me to blow this cake alone! i got quite annoyed and the plastic cake on the thing caught fire so i blew out the cake and slammed the door

(uhm, i wasnt really happy with someone)

and suddenly

knock knock again

and when i opened, no one again!

but there was a present on the floor. and just when i bent down to open it

oh wait gracias calling…

ok continue, there was like HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU coming.

and all my female batchmates were there

super sweet =) thank youuuu

 

linh stayed up with mne till 3 to make sure i dont cry anymore. thanks so much darling. i guess people are like enzymes huh. just that his is denatured, i just wish i could have done something about it. :>

morning, went to church. then bfast.

after that met the girls for shoppingggg<3. and then went botanical gardens took many pictures

came back to hostel

got polars present=) looove it darling.

talked to gracia on the phoneee=) =) =) this TOTALLY made my day i swear.

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i cried. i dont know why idid, i just did.

i feel so neglected, i hate it. im so scared.

i dont want to be cooped up in this room on my 18th birthday. it just feels so fucking unfair. why the hell is god doing this to me. i dont deserve this.

i feel so emotional. so weak. so helpless. i just want someone to be there. but everyones so busy. and im so isolated.

i dont know what i feel. anger, definitely. maybe its just angst.

 

i know the world is unfair. and shit happens. but why always to me. its just so…

 

 

 

 

i give up.

if this is what she wants, and its what he wants, then whys there so much pain???

 

 

someone spoke to me about being “responsible” the other day.

i know im not exactly the most RESPONSIBLE person on earth, but heck.

something like, how could you be so smart, well read and well versed and you dont even know…….

but honestly? theres so many things i dont know. and that you dont know. no one knows. not me, not you, not anyone else.

how would i know why these things keep happening.

all i care is that ive put in a whole lot of effort to make sure i dont fall back into my state of disgrace. and finally, i feel like im succeeding. dont take this success away from me please.

im sick and tired of everything.

i just want someone here. someone, anyone.

i need to feel..a little more..

 

love.

 

 

 

whats love anyway.

i havent been blogging for ages. i needed time off and i got it (:

exams, okay not too bad. excpet the fact that i didnt take hist and lit, so impossible for me to top. but its okay i suppose.

oh and yes, im sickk. flu fever sore throat. if fever still high have to check for h1n1. damn wth man. i do not wanna shove smth up my mouth and nose. it’ll hurt like hell.

and not to mention, its my birthday weeek.

sometimes i wonder if it hurts. cuz i chose to listen to someone else, when youre my best friend. you bring my hopes so highhhhh up, i love you for that. you tell mne exactly what i wanna hear, you tell me what i want things to be like. its kinda unrealistic. but i love listening to you. im so sorry sweetheart. that i dont listen anymore. i still love you like mad. i wish i could follow youre advice, follow the decision you made. but youre not the guide i need, not this time.

plans all shattered. was supposed to go down to jb and hang out with jo, and derek too.

now im stuck in an ahm room. (good thing about it is fully air con, got tv, fridge, attached bathroom. the bathroom is so big that can sleep inside!) and fani came to visit. and she got screwed duh, im supposed to be isolated. hahaha. oh well.

i hope i get well by today. i dont wanna be spending my 18th isolated like what the hellll.

omg, and i just found one white hair on my precious head. ugh.

and SOMEONES angry at me. I know i hate the someone thing. but im hoping that idiotic someone would read this, and not be angry anymore. because IM SICK AND ITS MY BIRTHDAY, therefore you should not be angry. plus youre not cute when youre angry. like, seriously, honestly and truthfully. (: please dont be angry. i cant stand you being angry at me. pretty please with sprinkles and chocolate sauce on top =)

okay the ahm is coming soon and if she sees that i still have high fever, off i go to that stupid h1n1 clinic.

for my 18th i want freedom, friendship, fun.

im getting NONE OF THAT.

i should stop whining. blah. byeee. judgement time here.

for all the times you stood by me,

for all the truth that you made me see,

for all the joy you brought to my life,

for all the wrong thatt youve made right,

for every dream you made come true

for all the strength i found in you,

i’ll be forever grateful,

because i love you (:

 

dadddy: thank you for being one of the two mortals assigned to usher me into this life and doing such an awesome job out of it. you;re the man ive loved the longest in my life and i guess that will never change cuz i couldnt ask for a better dad. mines the best!

 

polar: aww, dude, happy 19th birthday and happy fathers day cuz u act like my dad. dont worry, im gonna be a-okay. love you lots and lots and lots and hope you loooove my singing (:

i cried. shit, im so sorry guys even though i promised not to

i feel so shitty now

i need you to come here and give me a huggg

and you, come back from that fucking place now i dont have the guts to wait so long more for you to come back bloody hell

someone distract me please

shit, stop crying.

 

fuck.

you should see me ive been screaming and singing it a MAJOR out of tune and LOUD tone. ughhh, i know right. im just high. its called PMS. so im like L is for the way you loooooook at me. and i drove cindy and fani NUTS

oh shit, IM ONLINE AND ON FACEBOOK. but i have a valid reason because i just submitted my lousy lit IOW!!!!!! thnks to billet and polar distracting me last night.

it was so funny

so i gave polar his present (YAY HE LIKES IT, I DONT KNOW IF LOVE) and we sat there. cindy came along cuxz she wanted to eat some. and billet came back from his i dontknowwhere. so four of us, all diff nationalities, sat down and talked about ME. yeah im the queen, everyone has to talk about me hahaha. it was so retarded and super funny cuz u could see polar and cinbdy going like YAYA ITS LIKE THIS.DONT ASSUME. and billet giving a totally different response and ill be like SEEEEEE

billet gave me a crazy analogy about a crocodile in the river and that if i dont remove that stupid crocodile or at least assure people its dead, no one would swim in my river. i didnt know i had a river!!! i must be a fishermans wife!

i havent been a good girl lately. (OUCH MY STOMACH HURTS)

WHAT is WRONG with me. ugh super annoying i pity anyone who has to hang out with me today and today is hanging out day meaning no math :D:D which is totally looooove

tomorrow is intensive math day again it seems like almost everyday is intensive math day i cant help but to pity myself

i dont know why i still dont listen despite so many people give me advice. okay maybe because i dont know if their advice is shitty, like yesterday bebek said something really dumb that me and fani were like -.- uh, nevermind!

im damn hungry . meeting cal for lunch i think! and ty st jas for dinner (: okay im a happy happy girl today

and eric said we should write poetry together. i could man, in this state, totally! like he writes a line and i’ll write a line, utterly pathetic i know. birds of a feather flock together hahah

oh did i mention drk’s going to canada to study? whoooh.

oh yeah i had this crazy dream about someone smsing me last night.

and i woke up and i was like wtf

cindy says dreams are actually how we secretly think inside

i think so too hahaha